Back in ye olde England

Benny and I are back since Saturday. More physically than mentally really. It always takes some time to get used to the "new" surroundings again. How quickly one gets used to old ways of living and a culture that is familiar to oneself. It almost felt as if England never existed. I know I probably shouldn't be writing a blog in this time of transition as it's bound to be somehow negative and sulky. I just can't seem to find a country in which I feel 100% settled and home. If I think about the priorities it's "whatever is best for my son". But then I think...a happy mummy equals a happy Benny, so where would I feel the most comfortable? I feel sorry for Ryon as he is under a lot of stress. Money issues. I'm only getting paid maternity leave until end of May. Then I think I should help him feel less stressed and go back to work early, but I can't seem to stand the thought of giving Bennet into care. *I* want to be the main caregiver at least until he's 3 years old. Shall we go back to Germany, shall we go to America? Shall we stay in England? These three question go through my head all the time and it's driving me mad. You don't have to come up with any solutions for me, just let me have a rant and I'll feel better! I miss Berlin, I miss having 3 big parks in walking distance, one of which has a busy outdoor cafe and a big playground where everyone gets together. I miss talking German and having people around. I feel lonely and isolated in Burnham.

Berlin

Der Berlin Besuch rückt näher und obwohl ich mich freue, bin ich auch ein bißchen angespannt, da ich nicht weiß, wie es ist allein mit Baby und 2 Koffern zu verreisen. Meine Mutter hat mich heut angerufen und gesagt, daß zur Zeit die BVG streikt und keine Busse fahren, das kompliziert die Sache noch mehr, aber wir werden schon eine Lösung finden. Vielleicht miete ich mir auch ein Auto. Am 10. März geht unser Flieger. Am 15./16. März wollen wir Bennet's Uroma in Hamburg besuchen und das Wochenende darauf ist Ostern mit Familie angesagt. Tante Gabi will uns auch noch sehen. Tante Erna auch, doch die ist zu der Zeit leider zur REHA. Die 2 Wochen werden bestimmt so schnell vergehen! Freunde stehen auch noch auf der Liste: (die Reihenfolge hat mit der Priorität nichts zu tun) Berit, Charlene, Diana, Marie. Ich hoffe ich kann Euch 4 irgendwo unterbringen. Diana und Berit, dazu brauch ich jedoch nochmal Eure Kontakt - bzw. Handynummern, damit ich Euch in Berlin erreichen kann. Bitte schickt mir diese doch per email zu oder übers StudiVZ!

Ansonnsten gibt es bei uns nicht viel Neues zu erzählen. Benny ist jetzt 5 Monate und 4 Wochen alt. Ich habe vorhin ein paar alte Babysachen aussortiert und sie an ihn rangehalten und kann gar nicht glauben, daß er da mal reingepaßt hat. Er ist so gewachsen! Ein bißchen melancholisch wird man da schon. Ich stille ihn immernoch ausschließlich und möchte auch noch eine Weile durchhalten. Wie lange wird in Deutschland eigentlich empfohlen ausschließlich zu stillen?

Dann werde ich jetzt langsam mal ins Bett gehen. Sobald mein Kopf mit dem Kopfkissen in Berührung kommt, wacht sowieso Bennet auf und möchte Zuwendung oder gestillt werden oder hat Zahnungsschmerzen (heute war wieder besonders schlimm) ;)

Na dann, bis bald, eventuell, hoffentlich???

Milena

Babyschwimmen

Armer Bennet! Poor Bennet!

Seit dem 05. Januar gehen wir mit Bennet zum Babyschwimmen. Man kann nicht sagen, daß es ihm gefällt, aber manchmal ist sein Gesichtsausdruck wennigsten neutral. Letztes Mal sind die anderen Babies schon untergetaucht, doch Bennet fing bei ein paar Tropfen die ihm übers Gesicht kullerten schon an zu weinen. Ich mußte den Kurs im Vorraus bezahlen, da muß er jetzt durch! Es ist ein 13-Wochen-Kurs. Morgen gehen wir wieder! Mal sehen, ob er morgen lacht???

Happy New Year 2008!

Unfortunately, our stay in the US has come to an end. We flew back yesterday, on the 31st December and got to wish each other Happy New Year's twice. First time at 7pm, just after take off (midnight UK time). And later on at 5am UK time (midnight in MD, USA), just before landing. The first day after a holiday abroad is always weird. Especially if it was a very special and meaningful holiday. It was so lovely to have 4 generations under one roof and all coexisting peacefully and in harmony. I miss it! But life goes on, has to go on....for a while, without family around.

We didn't get much sleep on the plane and by the time we got home, in the early Morning hours, we were so desperate to go to bed...instead we had to deal with a jet lagged crying baby! It will probably take a couple of days until he is back to his normal schedule again. When we came home and I opened the door, there was this huge YAMAHA piano or keyboard standing in front of me with a big red bow! I couldn't believe it! Ryon is always in for a surprise! I had no clue at all! WOW! I have a KEYBOARD! *bigsmile*I always wanted to learn how to play the piano. A dream has come true! :)

Now let's quickly summarize year 2007. On the 2nd of January 2007 I wrote the following in my blog: "I have applied to University, to do a 2 year course in Business. If I get a student loan then I will commence my studies in February, so wish me luck! Also, Ryon and I have been thinking of having a little marriage thingee going on, nothing big ;), but before that we're going on a Marriage Preparation course, how good is that?"

So what did I do? CAREFUL: Boring Alert!

Well AGAIN, I didn't get to study. Maybe it's just not meant to be? But lots of other exciting things happened! For me it was a year that was extremely productive or should I write reproductive? I fell pregnant, got a full time permanent job at LEGO despite being 3 months pregnant, gave birth to a beautiful child and moved to a bigger (but not big) apartment and the cream on top was a wonderful visit in the states...a Christmas full of harmony and lovely family around, even the four-legged ones.

The year 2007 set high standards, but I'm not expecting anything (big) for the year 2008. I just expect of myself to be a great mother to Bennet in his first year on earth. My maternity leave finishes on the 31 of August 2008 and obviously I want to be a stay-at-home mom until then. I hope for all 3 of us that we'll be healthy and in good spirit, because that's the most important. I hope to visit my family in Germany to introduce them to Bennet. We hope to get a car so we can get the shopping done more easily, drive Bennet to activities and go on weekend excursions. Maybe we'll stop by in Cornwall this year and swim in the ocean in clear blue water...

But most important of all: all I want I already have and that's Ryon and Bennet! Everything else is a Bonus!!!

Merry Christmas 2007!

I hope you're all having a grand old time with family and friends and if there is no family or friends to have a grand old time with, I still hope you take the chance to withdraw into the tranquility of this festive season and load your batteries, so that they're fully charged by the time you enter the new year - 2008! Yes, 2008! Wow, does time fly or what?

Ryon, I and our little one are having a great time! Yesterday, on the 24th we went to the 8pm service of my in-law's church where they had a live nativity with real animals and Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus (not sure if the baby was real though, it was awfully quiet, contrary to Bennet). We sung Christmas Songs (which I like) and listened to Ryon's dad playing in the Church Brass Band (Ouch! ... just kidding). And there was a beautiful choir singing as well! And the preaching by paster Chip was quite good.

Around midnight, Baby Jesus had also arrived in my mother-in-love's nativity. Teeny tiny baby Jesus...(and I was wondering why the cradle was empty the whole time! *duh*)

Today, the 25th December we had a wonderful breakfast, opened up our presents (and we got tons of them! even an extra suitcase to carry them all home), went for a long walk in the sunshine and had our Christmas meal in the evening, organic Turkey, beans, messed up red cabbage prepared by me, mashed potatoes, cranberry jelly, gravy, all in all: YUM! And there are those delicious buckeyes, and cinnamon "puffs" and it's really quite hard to maintain my bodyweight, as it is rocketing sky high at the moment, weighing as much as I did when I was pregnant with Bennet if not more and my rear end is really quite gargantuan...but I'll get rid of the excess fat eventually. When we're back in London with no money to buy food :)

I am so glad to be so blessed to celebrate Christmas with Ryon's lovely family!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS, everyone!

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...we're in the US!

Hi Everybody,

thanks for all your messages on my blog! It's so nice to know you're all taking part in my/our life. :)

Last Thursday, 13th December, at 4.20pm we flew out to Washington Dulles Airport in Maryland which is where Ryon's family lives (in Maryland that is, not at the airport). The flight took about 7 hours and we were so lucky that most of the time Angel Bennet was fast asleep in his little plastic bag (pretend to be moses basket) provided by United Airlines. I was worried we might have a screaming baby all the flight through, but he was soooo good! Ryon's dad and brother picked us up from the airport and after an hour drive we were greated by Ryon's mom and sister-in-love (Ryon's brother's wife) at the "Hotel Grau".

There are two beautiful Labrador dogs here called Maxie and Murphy and a sweet cat called Romeo (and one poor old cat called Grizabella living in the basement, cause she's too scared to come up and meet the 'new' family additions). Everyone who knows me, knows that I adore dogs and quite like cats, so this is paradise! This might be the nicest Christmas holiday I have ever had in my life so far! All the harmony I have always wished for especially around Christmas has already been bundled up in 3 wonderful days that we've been here!

Good night for now and read you soon...

Milena

We have the Internets

After 3 long months of waiting I'm finally connected to the web again! It isn't the fastest connection, but better than nothing, right?

We are in need of a bigger external hard drive, so we're currently unable to download the pictures we've been taking, but to the left you can see the newest one that had been sent to me in an email!

3 months have past and I'm sure there's a lot to tell you, but right now I'm out of words. So for the 3 people reading this blog "hi! I'm back! 's good to "read" you again, leave messages, cause then I know who's actually reading this blog"

Ok. Thanks. Bye. I love you!

Why it's so quiet around us...

Hi everyone,

Bennet is nearly 3 weeks old now. While I was recovering from birth, we moved to the new flat as well. We are now all set up in the new place. Well almost. Kind of cut off from the rest of the world as we're waiting for a landline and broadband to be installed, but Virgin Media let us down, so we have to wait some more and find a different provider. One who knows what he's doing! I'm at Ryon's workplace now so I can quickly write a post. Watch this space for more pictures and videos soon. As soon as we're connected to the World Wide Web again, that is....

I miss you all! Life is lonely as a new monther, in a new flat, with no means to communicate to the outside world. :(

Bye bye for now,
Milena

Hello, little Bennet!

BENNET ALEXANDER GRAU

10th September 2007 at 5:18pm

Lenght: 53cm; Weight: 2940 gram.

Type of delivery: Induction after PROM (Pre-Labour Rupture of Membranes)

Length of pregnancy: 37 weeks + 6 days

Place of birth: Ealing Hospital

Last Night of the PROMs

PROM's being = Pre-Labor Rupture of Membranes (Did you know that only a small percentage, like 10% of woman have that and at least 80% of those go into labor within 24hrs following PROM ?)

Last chance for me and Bennet having our ultimate birthing pool experience...The trick with enticing him with ice cream didn't work. I guess it's because I'm already eating loads of it now (on my second tub of Häagen-Dazs right now) so why make all the effort and come out for it...d*** it! I told him that he's going to be circumsized without anesthetics if he doesn't come out tonight :) I know it sounds mean, but I'm getting kinda desperate here! Seriously, I have almost given up hope now. Hospital bag is packed and tomorrow Morning we have to call them and go in to get checked out ... Most important is that we all get through this safe and sound, because as time progresses, the risk of infection rises apparently...

Thanks for being with me in your thoughts and for the encouraging posts..I appreciate!!

Waters breaking

Yesterday, Friday at 6pm in the Morning my waters broke without the onset of labour. I went to hospital to get checked out and have a Fetal Heart Monitoring done. The baby is not distressed, everything is fine. As my water broke at term (after 37 weeks, 37 weeks + 4 days to be precise) I was allowed to go home and wait for 48 hours to spontaneously go into labour. Since then I'm just waiting, drinking Rasberry leave tea, eating hot curry, fresh pineapple, go for walks... I'm doing everything they said would/could help bring on labour. I'm getting more and more desperate as the Birthing Centre will only take me until Sunday Morning, up until 48hrs after my membranes have ruptured. We are talking to Bennet to entice him with cookies, chocolate and ice cream and with a big pool of warm water he could swim around in if he comes out now! I don't want to be induced!!! I want to have a natural water birth!

Milena :(

Mutterschaftsurlaub/Maternity Leave

First in German and when I get the time, I will write an English Version as well. This time no pictures as we've got most of our stuff in the new flat, but I'll add some soon, hopefully.

Seit Montag, den 3. September 2007 bin ich nun im Mutterschaftsurlaub und bin um 11 Uhr erst einmal zum Frisör, denn wer weiß, wann ich das nächste Mal dazu komme.

Am 31.08. war also mein letzter Arbeitstag. Es scheint Teil der "LEGO-Kultur" zu sein, daß, wenn ein Mitarbeiter geht, sich alle Kollegen und teilweise auch das Management am letzten Tag nochmal um einen versammeln um dir ordentlich Tschüß zu sagen. Und meist wird dann noch eine kleine Rede gehalten oder wenn du Pech hast von dir verlangt eine Rede zu halten ;) und ein Geschenk überreicht oder wie in meinem Fall Geschenke . :) Ich find das total putzig. Der gleiche Tag war noch ein wenig stressig, da wir gleich danach zur Wohnungsagentur in Maidenhead fahren mußten um den Vertrag für die neue Wohnung zu unterschreiben und die Kaution etc. zu zahlen. Danach sind wir dann in die Wohnung gefahren und Inventur gemacht und der Schlüssel überreicht. Am Samstag, den 1. September war dann der eigentliche Umzug. Wir haben uns ein Auto gemietet und das meiste unseres Zeuges in die neue Wohnung gebracht. Jetzt sind wir noch bis 15.09. in der alten Wohnung, da ja meine Hebammenpraxis und alles gleich um die Ecke ist. Ein eher ungünstiger Termin umzuziehen! In der neuen Wohnung haben wir noch kein Bett. Es soll innerhalb der nächsten 10 Tage geliefert werden. Na hoffentlich! Das Kinderzimmer haben wir nun schon eingerichtet, mit Möbeln von IKEA. Ein Bettchen steht drin und ein Wechseltisch. Blau angemalt waren die Wände schon, da bracuhten wir also gar nichts mehr zu machen :) Die 2 Typen, die davor in der Wohnung gelebt haben, haben die Wohnung total verdrecken lassen. Uns fiel gestern, daß der Teppich zwar gesaugt wurde, aber nicht ordentlich mit Schaum gereinigt, da meine weißen Socken und Ryon's Füße dunkelbraun waren. Der Teppich fühlt sich wie ungewaschenes, speckiges Hundefell an. : / Darum müssen wir uns noch kümmern. Wenigstens haben wir genug zu tun, während wir auf den Kleinen warten. Hoffentlich läßt er sich noch 1 Woche Zeit! Milena

34+ SSW - Das "Ende" naht

Nachdem wir gestern beim Wassergeburtskurs waren, ist mir nochmal aufgefallen, was für einen kleinen Bauch ich habe im Vergleich zu anderen Frauen, die genauso weit sind wie ich. Die haben sich so langsam an uns vorbeigeschoben und sahen alle massiv aus. Aber wart mal ab, wenn Bennet noch ein wenig zulegt über die nächsten Wochen, dann werde ich auch so aussehen. Es neigt sich alles "dem Ende". Noch 1.5 Wochen bei LEGO *schnief*. Am 01. September ist Umzug angesagt. Alles auf den letzten Drücker wie es scheint. Ich werde Ealing vermissen. Noch ein paar Photos, damit ihr auf dem neuesten Stand der Dinge seid. Sie sind ein bisschen gewollt und nicht gekonnt, aber Fotograf ist hier £200 für eine Session, zuuuu teuer. Ryon hat mit vielen Schwangerschaftsymptomen zu kämpfen. Er hat extrem trockene Augen und heute war im so übel, daß er sich 2 x übergeben mußte. Außerdem hat er einen schmerzhaften Versensprung, der ihn davon abhält normal und ohne Schmerzen zu laufen. Und das, obwohl er am Samstag Paintball spielen wollte.

Our Shotgun Wedding ;)

It was something like this... (as narrated by Ryon)

'PPL plz be seated'

'Hi I's officating this heer weddings'

'Ringz plz'

'O hai now u marries my daughter.'

'O noes preggers chixxors shouldn't booze!'

Me 25th Birthday - 29th July 2007

Kurzfassung:

1. Futter fassen bei WAGAMAMA - yum!
2. LEGOLAND - yay!
3. Hackney Empire: Theater-Stück "Die Familie" (Pantomime) - sehr lustig!
4. Und den ganzen Tag: wunderschönes Wetter!

1. Grabbing food at WAGAMAMA - yum!
2. LEGOLAND - yay!
3. Hackney Empire: Theatre play "The Family" (Pantomime) - very funny!
4. And all day: beautiful weather!

Edgware Birth Centre

Pictures taken this Morning/Midday, me at 30 weeks (7th month)

Today, at 3pm, we have an appointment at the Edgware Birthcente, a midwife run unit that encourages 'natural birth'. 80% of their births are actually water births and they have large pools to facilitate that. Maybe I get to take some pictures of it, so you can have an idea where I will be labouring. :) See you later!

Father-to-be at 30 weeks (7th month)



After our photo session we're leaving for Edgware birth centre, a travel that takes us nearly 1.5 hours across the city (*umpf*). The midwife, Conny, is German :) and comes from Potsdam near Berlin, where I was born and raised. I get to take pictures of one of the delivery rooms:



you can look out of the window, but windows are reflective from the outside :)



nice, big birthing pools adjacent to all the rooms and some equipment, somewhere they're hiding a birthing stool; no ropes by the way! :(((

Not quite as nice as some of the German birth centres, but still better than hospital...although today a Dr. who examined me, heavily questions the idea of going to a midwife-led unit. He said: "What if the baby is in distress or your contractions are not strong enough etc etc.." geeee, I don't know.....I don't want to be an irresponsible mother, but I feel comfortable at that place and midwives take their time and listen to you.

And last but not least: IKEA :)



which bed to choose?

Birmigham - June 30th 2007

On Saturday 30th June Ryon and I rented a car and drove from London to Birmingham to get some 3D DVD moving images of Bennet (I will call him that for now). As the weather had been really bad and we had to cancel our camping honeymoon in Cornwall the previous week, we considered this trip as our 'Mini-Honeymoon'.

When we arrived in Birmingham after about 3 hours drive we found the clinic where the scan was to be held immediately and we were more than on time *proud*. Prior to the scan we were told that the quality of our pictures would depend on the position the baby's lying and the mother's body fat etc.

Unfortunately, Bennet was lying quite close to the placenta with his hands in his face most of the time, so the guy doing the scan couldn't get very good images, but excellent pictures of his foot and spine! Hooray! : /

After about 7min DVD capturing and 6-7 thermal b/w printouts we were told that that's all he can do for us and the cheque of £145,- was passed over the counter at reception.

Of course, we weren't quite satisfied and upon return to London we wrote an 'Email of complaint' (carefully and wonderfully worded by Ryon, mwah!) to the booking office and Ryon's diplomacy got us another appointment yesterday, Saturday 07th July, for a re-scan.

To our 'surprise' the same guy was doing the scan as they have a moving clinic in 4 different locations in England. At first he wouldn't believe us that we only had 7min on our DVD (instead of the 15min promised on a sheet attached to the consent form, a sheet that we hadn't even seen the first time around!) But I had brought the DVD along so he could see himself.

Then he had another look at our old printouts and in his view they weren't so bad, of course. (Honestly, they looked like shots out of Aliens!!) I told him the reaction I got when I showed the pictures to my collegues and how the pictures on their website look SO much nicer. He said that this would be called marketing, but I think it's misleading advertising!

Nowhere on the Website is mentioned that the quality of your pictures will depend on ABC and that the thermal printouts are going to be black and white and not as pretty and golden shimmering like on the website.

We had paid them a substantial amount of money and didn't feel our expectations had been met the first time, so thankfully he did another scan, which I think would be called good customer service. (finally)

Bennet was still positioned close to the placenta. :( So we went for a 10 minute walk, I drank a gallon of water moved around, put an ice pack on my belly (ouch!) and even tried a headstand (don't do it when you're 29 weeks, it hurts your ligaments!!).

While Bennet still hadn't moved position much the technician was still able to get much better views and pictures of him this time, so we got an additional 7 min to our existing DVD (make sure not to go one minute over, doc!) and a couple of new printouts that were really much better than the first time.

I was very relieved, because I know they wouldn't have given us part of our money back, that's why I advice you to be very careful which company you choose to have your 3D images with. I would not recommend babyultrasoundcompany.co.uk! I'm glad this didn't turn into a major disappointment as I was SO THRILLED about the possiblity of having 3D pictures and moving images taken of the little one, so I hope you enjoy the slightly better images (oh, the doc even gave us a CD with the new images, although it wasn't part of the package we paid for and said he hopes we appreciate, we did!).

I'm looking forward to the day (not the pain) when I can see Bennet face to face and when there is no room for speculation about the way he looks :)

Happy Honeymoon to us!

Can you see the little smirk coming through?

Chinese Astrolgy

Ever wondered what your chinese sign is? There are 12 zodiac animals in the chinese horoscope and each of them is assigned a different element. You can be wood, fire, earth, metal or water.

The chinese year has a different span than our year, so watch out. Their New Year falls on different dates each year, on a date between January 21 and February 20.

So Ryon thought he was a Dragon at first as 1976 is the year he was born, but at a closer look we found out that the date he was born was within the end of chinese year 1975, so he turned into a wood rabbit, much to his disappointment as he would have liked to be a fire dragon! (Everybody: "Awwwwwww! ")

I'm a water dog by the way! My mum is a fire pig and my sister a fire snake. My dad is a fire dog.

Find out what chinese sign you are and feel free to leave a post to share the result and whether you think there's something true about what you've read!

The Naming Dilemma - Update

Bennet Alexander Grau



or



Maximilian Alexander Grau

Ok, so it's not really a Dilemma, because Ryon is cooperative and we already agreed on Bennet Alexander Grau. Maybe we will name him completly different once we see him. Like Jürgen or Gottfried or sth like that! :) We've got still plenty of time to decide. He is very calm today, not moving much, so I hope evrything is alright. Mummy isn't feeling brilliant and had a temperature along with tummy cramps, but the midwive wasn't too worried as long as he had '10 movements a day'. I told her he moved 5 times by noon. But did she mean 10 kicks in a row or 10 times active periods along with breaks in between, probably the latter. I don't know if I should be worried as he's not as active as he has been the previous days...

Benet or Bennett = English, from the surname Bennett, which is the old English form of Benedict, from the Latin >benedictus<, meaning "the blessed one"

Maximilian = Latin, from the Roman family name Maximilianus, derived from the Latin >maximus<, the "greatest"